Chandelier
by operationblackbird
Summary: Song fic based on Chandelier by Sia and the upcoming PTSD episode. Dark themes throughout.
1. Chapter 1

_**Party girls don't get hurt**_

_**Can't feel anything, when will I learn?**_

_**I push it down, push it down.**_

The bar was so full it was fit to burst. Sweaty bodies barged past one another, causing Morgan to hastily slip a few curse words from under his breath. After what seemed like a lifetime he finally reached the table where his friends were sitting.  
"Hotch man, don't get me wrong, I appreciate being given the time to come out and relax a little, but was a Friday night in the center of town really our wisest idea."  
"I agree." Rossi piped up. "Though the girls seem to be having fun."  
Stealing a glance over his shoulder, Morgan shook his head and smiled at the sight of Garcia and JJ giving it their all on the dance floor a few feet over.  
"I'm surprised they even managed to get on the dance-floor with the amount of people in here."  
"Statistically, Friday nights are..." Reid began.  
"Yeah kid here's your drink, and drink it you will because you guys just about put me out of pocket." Morgan interrupted, ruffling the young geniuses hair.  
Before he even had a chance to sit comfortably in his seat, the girls merrily skipped over. Both their cheeks were rosy red in color and Garcia was smiling uncontrollably.  
"Well your lordship, I thank you for your approval on this little outing." Penelope said.  
"You're welcome Garcia. You all deserve a break after the past couple of weeks." Hotch replied.  
"Make that the past couple of months." Rossi countered.  
Morgan grunted in agreement.  
Whilst Garcia slowly slipped her drink through a lime green straw, JJ had downed all of hers within 3 seconds.  
"Damn girl, slow down, where's the fire?" Morgan joked.  
JJ didn't answer, instead grabbing onto her girlfriends hand to continue their rave on the dance-floor, winking flirtily at the guy who smiled in her direction.  
"Gosh gumdrop give a girl a break. I can't even feel my feet anymore. I'm surprised you can even still stand!" Penelope laughed. But JJ didn't seem to find the remark at all amusing.  
"Are you coming or not?" said the blonde stiffly.  
"Um, I'll be over in like 5 minutes? Seriously JJ I'm seeing my feet but they're so not working anymore."  
"Whatever." The blonde answered simply, before turning and slipping into the frantic sea of people.  
"What's her problem?" Morgan directed at the bubbly blonde.  
"And how much has she had to drink?" Hotch added.  
"I have no idea to either of those question. She started drinking way before we even got here. I can't actually believe she's still standing upright, never mind dancing."  
Hotch furrowed his eyebrows in concern. This wasn't like JJ at all. She'd mainly been the reason he'd suggested the team have a weekend break to recuperate after the past events of the year. He'd noticed that she hadn't been the same JJ lately. Her usually cheery tone had become dull and monotone, and her previously sky blue eyes had become clouded over with a range of emotions that he just couldn't read. But upon being questioned her face would instantly light up in happiness and her dazzling smile and sincere reassurance was more than enough to ease the worries that he voiced. Still, he couldn't ignore the niggling feeling that perhaps maybe, there was a little bit more too it than she was letting on.  
"I'll go and talk to her." Hotch said, but Garcia placed a friendly hand on his shoulder as she placed her half empty glace down on the coaster. Hotch wasn't sure if the physical gesture was one of reassurance of simply to stop herself from falling over.  
"No no bossman, I shall find the princess and return her to the castle imminently. Derek, my noble chocolate steed, take me too her!"  
Garcia slurred.  
Morgan laughed hysterically as he excited his seat and held out his hand.  
"Anything for you my queen." He winked, bravely entering the crowd. The pair were out of sight within seconds, swallowed by the mass of people before them.  
"So what do you think is going on." Reid said matter of factually.  
"What do you mean?" Rossi questioned.  
"JJ's been acting strangely these past couple of weeks, wouldn't you agree? As hard as I've been trying not to profile her, I can tell somethings not right. I don't even need to be a profiler to see that. And with the way she's been acting tonight... JJ's usually the most sober one out of us, except me of course." Rambled Reid.  
Although his answer was long winded, Hotch knew he had a point. Rossi looked at Aaron, his eyes telling him that he'd noticed too.  
"I'm keeping an on her. " Was all Hotch replied.  
The answer seemed satisfactory for Reid however, as he went back to sipping his lemonade and observing the animalistic beings that situated the club.  
Rossi surveyed the seemingly growing crowd.  
"This place is horrendous. I wonder if those two have even found JJ yet."

* * *

"Baby girl please, we'd have a better chance at finding a needle in a haystack than finding JJ in here."  
"Don't let boy wonder hear you say that, I'm sure he'd have something to say about it."  
"No doubt." Morgan laughed.  
Suddenly, her bouncy demeanor vanished as she stopped in her tracks. Quickly pulling her hand in-front of her mouth, Morgan heard what he was pretty certain was 'I'm going to puke' before watching his gifted goddess bolt out the door.  
"Ah man really?" Morgan grumbled, reluctantly following and grimacing as Garcia emptied the contents of her stomach all over the sidewalk.  
Lingering bodies quickly dodged the scene and re-entered the building, leaving only a handful of people who were clearly too wasted to care.  
Leaning against the brick wall, Garcia glared at Derek.  
"Thanks for holding my hair back like a real gentleman would!" Garcia snapped.  
"But peaches there's so much of it I wouldn't of known where to start!" Morgan chirped back, holding in his laughter.  
"Not funny." Garcia said sulkily.  
"I'm sorry, feel better?" Derek asked sincerely.  
"Yes. But I am never, ever touching a drop of alcoholic poison again"  
"Yeah okay." Morgan laughed, clearly not believing her for a second.  
His chortling subsided as he noticed Garcia's eyes grow confused. Following her gaze, he too was stunned when his eyes caught sight of what Garcia's were seeing.  
"No way. She wouldn't be that stupid, surely?" Said Morgan.  
Saying nothing, Garcia pushed past Morgan in one swift movement and stalked over to her best friend, who was using the wall behind her for balance and the random male in front of her as a tonsil tennis partner.  
"Baby girl wait." Derek shouted, but his call fell on deaf ears.  
Tugging her away from the sweepy haired brunette before her, who was clearly as drunk as she was, Garcia whipped the blonde round.  
"What the hell are you doing? Who the hell is this? " She raved. "And what the hell is, is, is that!" She screeched, gesturing to the remaining half of the cigarette that hung loosely in JJ's right hand.  
JJ didn't even make an effort to reply, instead rolling her eyes and turning back to converse with the considerably older male beside her.  
"JJ!" Penelope tried again.  
Without warning, JJ angrily spun to face her concerned friend.  
"I am sick to death of your pathetic, childish blubbering, all the time. You're as bad as Reid. Do you ever just shut up for 5 minutes? And when will you ever stop this stupid facade that life if all bubbly and brilliant and bright? Because it isn't. And it never will be. And I'm so done with it. So instead of following me around like some little abandoned puppy and telling me how I should be living my life, maybe you should take a giant step back and re-evaluate your own. Now leave, me, alone."  
Turning shakily on her heel, JJ stormed off, following the lead of the male who'd signaled at her to follow him. She didn't even bat an eyelid as he motioned towards his battered car, which she more than willingly slipped into the passenger side of and slammed the door, not even caring to give a second glance to her shocked friends she'd left behind.  
The black car shot off into the night within seconds.  
Garcia's mouth still hung agape minutes after the car had disappeared. Morgan too found himself rooted to the spot, too stunned to speak. What the hell had just happened?  
A silent tear trailed its way down Penelope's sullen face.  
Noticing, Morgan silently embraced her, his body enveloping her in the warmth of his.  
"Shh, it's okay baby girl. She didn't mean any of that stuff. She's totally wasted. Ignore her."  
Pulling back, Garcia sniffled and wiped away the tears that had now turned into a stream, smudging her make-up in various areas.  
"Let's get you back inside." Morgan coaxed.  
"But what about JJ?" Garcia whispered, concerned about her friend after the outlandish behavior she'd just displayed.  
"We'll figure it out once we're back in the warm. Come on, inside."  
He said lovingly, entwining his fingers in hers and leading her back into the chaos of the club.


	2. Chapter 2

_**I'm the one for a good time call**_  
_**Phone's blowin' up, ringin' my doorbell**_  
_**I feel the love, feel the love**_

Quickly realizing upon entering booming nightclub that they'd get no where near their allocated table, the duo soon gave up and retreated outside. Garcia disdainfully pulled a piece of gum from her leopard print heel whilst Morgan swiftly pulled his cell from his navy jean pocket and texted his team.  
'Outside.' Was all he put.  
It seemed to take forever before the rest of the BAU stumbled unorofessionally out onto the sidewalk. Wrapping his arms around his slim form, Reid was the first to speak.  
"Where's JJ?"  
"Walk and talk kid. It's too cold to be stood out here." Morgan answered through clenched teeth, stepping forward and leading the way.

* * *

JJ hiccuped as she merrily skipped her way into the luxiourous hotel room of her new aqquaintence.._Chad? Charles? ... something like that_  
She thought to herself.  
"Well Charles, what an impressive room you have here." The young blonde slurred  
"Actually, it's Chance." The older man winked  
"What is?" JJ asked, completly deadpan  
"My name." The male replied. "My name is Chance."  
"Yeah, that's what I said." JJ said matter of factly, tiptoeing gracefully around the table and entering the kitchen area. Chance slunk up behind her and opened the mini bar. JJ's eyes widened at the array of different alcoholic beverages that apperead before her.  
Chance smiled in response.  
"Drinks on me."

_**1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink**_  
_**1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink**_  
_**1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink**_  
_**Throw 'em back 'til I lose count**_

The pair continued the night with shots and mixers, chatting animatedly to each other about their lives, though neither one really cared all that much. Chance worked for a local bank firm back in his hometown and was currently away on business, resulting in such a swanky, kitted out hotel room.  
"So if you can afford all this, what's the deal with your shitty car?" JJ giggled.  
"Hey! That car is not shitty, it's an antique" Chance laughed, batting her playfully on the arm.  
JJ lifted her sparkling blue eyes to meet his, though the colouring was pale in comparison. Chance licked his lips and blinked.  
"Well, I think I'm going to call it a night. I can't even remember what time I started drinking. I don't think I even really know what time is!"  
The man stood, stretched, and made his way towards the far end of the room  
"You're welcome to join me, if you'd like." He said, winking.  
The petit blonde stood, but hesitated a moment.  
Despited how incredibly intoxicated she was, her past experiences and everything she'd be taught about safety were screaming at her so loudly she couldn't ignore it. Did she want to join him? Did she really? Was she really going to be this reckless and stupid?  
Mistaking her hesitation for inability to see straight, Chance made his way back over and help out his hand.  
Yes.  
Yes she was going to be this reckless and stupid.  
Throwing the worries back into the deep box they came from, she grinned foolishly and fully allowed the alcohol to take over.

* * *

"And you're sure she didn't know him!?" Reid squeaked worridly  
"Like a trazzilion percent sure." Garcia frowened.  
"I understand your concerns, I really do." Hotch said breathlessly as they all hurried to the taxi bay around the block. "But JJ is a grown woman. I can hardly reprimand her for the choices she makes outside of work."  
"Even though you'd like too." Garcia muttered.  
Derek smirked.  
Ignoring her comment, Hotch continued.  
"JJ's a big girl. No I don't agree with it, but if that's how she wants to spend her work-free evening than I'm not in the position to go against that."  
"I bet I know what position you'd like to be in." Garcia giggled.  
Hotch rolled his eyes but tried to quell the crimson fingers that creeped up his neck.  
"Hotch is right. JJ's a big girl. She just wants to let her hair down down a little. Don't panic until we have a reason to panic. We'll check on her in the morning." David spoke wisely.  
"Don't panic! She got in a car. With a guy she'd just met. Drunk!" Reid squaked.  
"Yeah, you can tell my boy genius isn't used to the whole get drunk get laid go home scene huh kid." Derek laughed  
Spencer just gawked back at him, completly dumfounded by his statement.  
Reaching the taxi bay at long last, they all said their slurred goodbyes and dissapeared into the night.

* * *

_**I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier**_  
_**I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist**_  
_**Like it doesn't exist**_  
_**I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry**_  
_**I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier**_

The atmosphere was giddy and playful and JJ was enjoying every second of it. It had been a long time since she'd felt this carefree. They were only part way through their game of 'have you ever' but the toll of the alcohol was evident to them both. Laying back and pulling the blonde with him, Chance closed his eyes. JJ let out a tired yawn, and without another word, they both fell prey to the darkeness that pounced.

She had hoped the effect of the alcohol woul have a strong hold and keep her subconcious asleep for as long as possible.  
She was wrong.  
Visions of Tivon Askari, Hastings and Nadia with her daughters doll pranced around her mind, causing whimpers to escape from her grimacing lips. She tossed and turned restlessly, surprising herself when she sat bolt upright to a snoring Chance, who hadn't even seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary. JJ's breathing was eratic and heavy. In one swift movement she was in the bathroom, her petit form slunk shamelessly over the porcaline as she wrteched dryly above the bowl. The lack of food in her system meant nothing but the alcohol could come back up.  
Panting, she leaned heavily against the bath tub and decided it'd be best in both their interested to take a shower.  
She turned the knob to the hottest setting she could physically handle and let the searing droplets of water attack her aching body. Over half an hour later, she padded softly to the bathroom cabinate and searched for some asprin. Closing the door quietly, she shreiked in horror as Tivon Askari's smirking face appeared in the mirror before her. She spun round faster than lightning, tiny pills plummiting to the ground around her.  
But there was no one there.  
JJ released the shaky breath she had been holding, convincing herself it was just a nightmare she hadn't fully pulled herself from. Practically jumping back into bed, her body involuntarily scooted closer to the warmth the other body was emitting. Squeezing her eyes tightly closed, she forced herself to think of happier things. Of puppies and kittens, of her friends that were the only family she had. Unlike Askari, she thought, who never had any one. Or Nadia's daughter, who was ripped away from her mother and had her life cruelly taken from her.  
She shut her eyes even tighter.  
But it didn't matter how hard she tried, her eyes didn't have to be seeing anything; all of the images were already permanently etched in her mind. And no amount of alcohol or recklessness could erase them.

_**But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes**_  
_**Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight**_  
_**Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes**_  
_**Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight**_  
_**On for tonight**_


End file.
